Chapter 20 – Santa, Honey ♠

chapter 20

  1. I would’ve never read this book hadn’t it been for that reading challenge category: first book you see in a bookstore.
  2. Honestly, I don’t even know what to say. It was that terrible.

I read this as fast as I could, so I could get it over with. I don’t know who this book is targeting but I hope it really is no one. This wasn’t sexy or raunchy even. This wasn’t smart. The developing romances were so not believable and if any of my friends would be in a situation like that, making the choices the women and men in the three short stories made, I would declare them insane, ESPECIALLY if all of this was done in the name of true love. Eeek!

And don’t get me started on the Christmasy euphemisms. How many ‘jingling bells’ and ‘unwrapping packages’ can you fit into 300-some odd-pages? TOO MANY! I felt myself steadily regressing in my status as an independent woman with every paragraph I finished reading. And that says a lot, because I have a huge weak spot for romance and over the top love story. I am the biggest sucker for a happy ending of a perfect relationship directly from a fairy tale, but this wasn’t even close.

3 day encounters in a lodge without electricity do not lead to lifetime commitments between two brothers and yes you guessed it two sisters, respectively. What did you even learn about each other in that time? You have certainly not reached the ‘fart stage’ (that’s a real thing, look it up). Or the proposperous idea that holding up a convenience store will lead to you falling in love with a hot bodyguard who has friends like Janet Jackson and Bill Gates who of course will send Christmas gifts to your misfit of orphans you and your nun foster mother care for so diligently. And if that is not enough said famous people will visit you and your gang on Christmas day since they have nothing better to do. The idea that your community service entails pretending to be Santa Claus in Podunk USA seems the tamest of the three stories. And without a question you will be upset and ornery about having to do community service since you are a well-known, World Series winning baseball player, but then you’ll be grateful and ready to settle down when you realize you do love the sarcastic elf, which also happens to be the best lay you had in years, potentially ever.

Yeah, I couldn’t believe this book really exists, either. And based on its Goodreads ratings, there are people enjoying what has been written and published in it, and more power to them, but I just feel bad for struggling writers out there who are really trying to make a difference, who are competing with this nonsense, and who might never be discovered because resources went into the making of this utter nonsense. I have read my fair share of raunchy sex novels and yes, their plot is often flat to non-existent but at least there is sex. Santa, Honey just falls short on all accounts by trying to be too romantic but not making the reader be invested in the characters, feeling what they’re feeling, hoping for what they’re hoping for, and really walking in their shoes. You either want to be a raunchy sexytime story or a romance novel, you can’t be both.

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